One of the universal emotions that we sometimes go through is shame, which is not considered one of the basic emotions such as sadness, joy, surprise, disgust or fear, but it is very powerful and also very frequent.
Most of the concepts that have been written about shame define it as an acute emotion that emerges when we perceive, certain or imaginatively, that we have transgressed (behavior considered inappropriate) or fallen into a significant fault. In addition, it is considered that shame has a social dimension as its essential characteristic: the display of our behavior to the judgment, appreciation and valuation of other people.
What manifestations does shame have?
You can ask yourself if you have ever been through the following situations: some party or social gathering is in which the way you have dressed differs from that of the rest of those present; when it becomes evident in front of your colleagues that you do not handle certain information that could be elementary; when you realize that you have a tear in your dress; by mistakenly sending a compromising message to the wrong person; having been required; when someone had higher expectations of you compared to what you have shown. Shame has different expressions, either in duration or intensity, and experiencing it in one way or another depends on personal psychological factors or social aspects or our culture.
How is shame expressed emotionally?
1. Through discomfort, a feeling of humiliation and emotional ennui.
2. Low self-esteem. Even when we don't usually perceive it consciously, when feeling shame it usually happens that our self-perception is not the same, that is, it is detrimental.
3. Feeling of flight, of avoiding situations. It is what we normally call “wanting to disappear from the map”.
4. Feelings of guilt, self-criticism. In this case it is quite frequent that we say to ourselves: “How could I do that”. "How terrible, how the same thing always happens to me."
5. Anguish, anxiety. When we feel shame it is also accompanied by fear that others will judge us again, we fear their reaction.
However, despite everything described above, shame has a value that many do not know how to identify and that can greatly contribute to the growth and development of the individual. For example, it has been determined that some of the psychological benefits it brings are:
1. It encourages us to learn and adapt to what is socially expected of us, stimulating behaviors more conducive to socializing.
2. Improves social links. Although apparently contradictory, being ashamed of what we believe has been inappropriate allows us to make the distinction and learn about what is right and what is wrong, thus developing a sense of ethics and morality that will make our social relationships more better.
3. Develop a sense of empathy. It means that by being ashamed we can better understand and put ourselves in the shoes of other people who are also going through this, so we can be more compassionate and supportive.
4. Be more self-aware. Shame can also lead us to reflect on our behaviors later, favoring change and personal growth.
When does being ashamed become a difficulty?
When shame arises permanently and in excess, it usually causes problems in the emotional and psychological sphere, for example: when we fail to manage anxiety thinking that from now on we are going to be judged and criticized by everyone; when instead of facing the emotion we do not solve it and what we do is avoid it, avoiding situations where we believe that we are going to be ashamed again; when low self-esteem is persistent and our self-assessment is increasingly negative; when depression and hopelessness are recurring, or when eating behavior disorders begin to exist.
What could we do then to better manage shame?
Some practical strategies may be the following:
1. Develop self-compassion. It means being kinder to ourselves, and working on accepting the emotions that accompany shame, remembering that it will help us recognize our own mistakes and learn.
2. Question negative thoughts. Shame is accompanied by self-criticism, anticipating certain situations or exaggerating them, sometimes thinking things like: "I'm the laughingstock of the whole group."
3. Work on self-reflection of a constructive nature. This implies avoiding self-reproach and instead rethinking what we have learned for future events.
4. Avoid humiliation towards others. This means that the experience of shame we go through serves to empathize and understand more whoever goes through the same thing in the future, not humiliate them.
Comments