Compromise between both partners is necessary and is one of the most important factors for a couple to function. However, no relationship is free of contradictions, although these contradictions are not always the problem. As people feel satisfaction, security or comfort in their relationship, difficulties begin to arise for other reasons. If routine appears, for example, we must take into account that sometimes we forget how important it is to dedicate time to the other person. It is not just a matter of having dinner together or watching a movie, since this can be part of the same routine, but to consider something different more often, to encourage the other person to desire, to challenge, etc. It is true that the honeymoon stage does not last forever, for this reason we must find a way for intimacy to be lived with the intensity and quality it had at the beginning, in order to keep the relationship alive.
If you are stressed with work, housework or other family issues, your level of intimacy is probably reduced without you even realizing it, and that may be affecting your partner, even if he or she keeps it quiet. Some people tend to be more intimate than others, however, we all need affection and love, both mentally and physically.
What is intimacy?
Many people think it involves only sex, but it does not. There are two types of intimacy:
- Emotional intimacy.
Emotional intimacy involves connecting more deeply with the other person. This is where we tend to feel loved, safe and trust each other. However, being emotionally connected can take time and can be more difficult than achieving physical intimacy, as we need to build a lot of trust.
- Physical intimacy
Some people need this type of intimacy more than others, as it is part of their nature. Physical intimacy generally precedes emotional intimacy, because at the beginning of a relationship there is sexual interest, and a relationship without the presence of sex or devoid of sexual intimacy is difficult to sustain. This is precisely one of the most challenging factors for a couple, especially if the relationship is long distance.
What are the consequences of lack of intimacy in a relationship?
Relationships where one of the partners is usually more demanding of intimacy than the other can survive, but only if there is good communication. Otherwise, if one of the two feels that he/she does not receive what he/she needs as a couple, and does not communicate it, this may imply greater difficulties in the future. For this reason, it is essential to discuss this issue in the sincerest way if intimacy is being a problem.
Poor communication?
Lack of intimacy always results in problems with communication in the couple, or vice versa. If we feel disconnected with our partner, we will most likely not go to him/her when we feel sadness, fear, demotivation, discouragement, unhappiness, or when we have a problem. This leads to an emotional chasm. Therefore, without good communication, negative feelings cannot be discussed and dealt with.
Isolation and loneliness
It is normal to feel lonely at times. However, loneliness can become greater if our relationship lacks the intimacy it had at the beginning. It is then when a series of questions arise as to whether it is worth staying in that relationship or whether it brings something positive to our life. Emotionally it may seem to us that we have no one to talk to and this causes us to repress our feelings, and we may then fall into depression or emotional stress.
Self-esteem
Along with problems with physical intimacy in a couple, self-esteem problems often appear. It is logical to think that if our partner does not show a physical interest in us, it is very likely that he or she is no longer attracted to us, and this leads us to question ourselves, although it is true that there may also be other causes that the other person is not communicating. However, this fact leads many people to wonder what is happening, or what is the factor that is leading their partner to not be interested in having sex as before. Thus, they begin to feel that they are not good enough for each other, leading to problems with self-esteem and self-confidence, which can also affect other areas outside of the relationship.
Questioning the relationship?
When we feel that we lack the intimacy we would like in a relationship, it is logical to question ourselves. If there is no physical intimacy, how is our partner different from a friendship? If there is no emotional intimacy, is our partner different from an acquaintance? These questions are the ones that lead us to question the relationship, being high the probability of a separation after a while, if the problems are not solved.
Causes of lack of intimacy
There can be several causes of decreased intimacy with your partner, among them, stress is one of the most relevant, which can come from any area of life. It may not be easy to relax if we feel stress, much less have sexual desire. Stress can also lead to an increase in arguments and distance with our partner, and communication can be cancelled.
Another cause can come from schedules, whether you both work different hours or come to bed exhausted after work, making it more difficult to keep the spark burning.
Personal problems are another big cause of absent or diminished intimacy. For example, if there is a problem with the self-esteem of one of the partners, this can lead to involuntary withdrawal because they are dissatisfied with themselves. On the other hand, any mental health problems that either partner is experiencing can also have these consequences.
What can we do then?
If we have perceived that there is a lack of intimacy in our relationship, it does not always mean that the relationship is going to end, but we should take action. We can then consider the following options:
Improve communication.
The best thing to do is to communicate with your partner if you feel that something is not working well. But it is not to communicate in any way, but to try to do it with patience, with respect, without criticizing or attacking the other person and without blaming him/her, so that he/she does not become defensive. Communicate from the expression of what we feel is very favorable, because no one can argue that we feel or not in a way but remember: how you say it is very important.
There are people who do not realize that they are distant, so it is necessary to communicate it in the best way. We will probably feel vulnerable if we deal with aspects related to intimacy, even more so if we have not had this problem before, but we have to deal with it if we want our relationships to last, and if this is not communicated it will cause worse effects later on.
Schedules
Establishing schedules and time to dedicate to your partner is very important, despite having children or other responsibilities. You can set aside a day every one or two weeks to go out, or plan any kind of enjoyable activity in each other's company, making sure that romantic connection is maintained. If we spend quality time with our partner, we also need to take advantage of that time to communicate better. Similarly, we can try to rebuild emotional intimacy, remembering why we chose that person, and the positive and wonderful things we love about them. A strong relationship depends a lot on the quality time we devote to it.
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